At some point or another, we all have prayed for better days. Chaos or any of these – disorder, disarray, disorganization, confusion, mayhem, bedlam, pandemonium, havoc, turmoil, tumult, commotion, disruption, upheaval, uproar, maelstrom; muddle, mess, shambles, free-for-all; anarchy, lawlessness, entropy, can truly destroy your future. You have to let go of that mess in its entirety. Doing this will allow you to attain everything the universe has for you.
Keep smiling while you’re letting go, living and planning for the future.
My goals in life include staying healthy body, mind and spirit. I attempt to make it to the gym 3x a week. My current eating patterns can be better. Lord knows I try to keep my spirit filled with faith and positivity. However, with everything I do my health ended up on the countdown again his year.
The year started off strong. The distance of the gym from my home kept causing me grief due to the drive and traffic. I was eating properly and appeared to be maintaining my new 132 pound body well. It felt good to be at my heaviest weight in my life but not too different from what I’m accustomed. My mother even had the nerve to say I was “getting wide.” Say WHAT? I was feeling great and I’m sure it was okay with the Mista because he notices everything but never said a word.
After the issues discussed in the previous post started, I completely turned in to myself and really didn’t give any notice to my health. From the outside I was fine. However, I knew the real deal. Over the course of 3 months I lost 9 lbs. It was gradual and I was noticing the difference by how my clothes fit me. I began to hide in dresses and skirts. The stress had become too much and I wasn’t eating, sleeping or exercising as I had only a short while ago. This is the side effect of stress for me. I knew what I needed to do.
I’d like to believe I’m as healthy as a horse. No smoking, illegal drugs, sleep and proper nutrition have strengthened this idea in my mind. Then I reached out to my doctor for a visit to see if something else was going on internally. Of course, this was my thought before I owned up to the stress I was suppressing. I informed you that I was diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency. My concern about my weight wasn’t ignored but they tried to talk me out of wanting my additional pounds back because I was at a healthy weight of 125. I had gained a few lbs back but it wasn’t enough for me. They tried a new formula for my appetite pill but it didn’t work because I was still skipping out on meals. Something had to change. A prescription for something to take orally was given but it just made me sick to the stomach and I stopped taking it. This was something I would have to manage on my own.
In December, I experienced a strange occurrence for the third time in my life within one month – a TIA. I didn’t know what it was but at the advice of co-workers, I went to the emergency room to get more info. They kept telling me I was too young for this to happen to me and kept asking me if I was stressing. My lips repeated no but my mind’s wheels were spinning to find out the root of my condition. After several exams, I was discharged and given orders to follow up with my primary care physician and the hospital neurology team. This was a pretty big blow to my confidence and once again I went into myself in fear of disappointment. I set my appointment and have been doing an ugly dance with my doctor’s office to be seen by the doctor. They have no idea this will be the last time I visit their office. I’m in search for a new PCP.
Over the last couple weeks, I have been working to rid myself of the stress and stop worrying about things that are completely out of my control. I have not had another episode. I know all of the areas I need to correct so I can get back into my best possible shape and health. This includes but may not be limited to sticking with my gym schedule/changing gyms, doing meal prep to secure I eat as needed and begin to communicate my feeling more frequently than holding it inside. I will come back to you after my appointments to give you an update on my status.
Meanwhile, I feel great.
I went over the post at the beginning of this blog and I got sad. Over the 2 and a half years we’ve been together, I’ve made good on my declaration to FIND MY HAPPINESS – partially. Only an honest person could admit this. So in an effort to get back on track, stay true to my purpose and live the life I want I reflected on this quote.
Mine began a long time ago but somehow I’ve lagged in getting to where I wanted to be. It’s masked in a costume called – patience. The adventure can have enjoyable moments, pitfalls and accomplishments. However, if you’re not making progress toward the life of your dream. It’s only an illusion.
Enjoy the unofficial last week of summer! 🙂