“He’s dead!”  The only words I truly remember hearing on July 22, 2005.  This short narrative on what has been coined “Flashback Friday” will show you that miracles are still happening.  If I start rambling, please forgive me and understand that even 11 years later – I still get choked up.

We were planning a nice evening for ourselves after walking in the suburb of Grosse Pointe eating ice cream enjoying the afternoon.  You see, his mother had come and taken my kid to stay with her for the weekend. I was only a little uncomfortable but felt I could show them I trusted her with The Kid.  As we parted ways to get dressed for the evening activities, I received the call no mother wants.  I heard him trying to say the words my mind wouldn’t allow me to hear through tears and a muffled tone.  His exact words were, “They say he’s dead.”  In my disbelief, I responded, ‘who?’  The answer was my son.

I was driving and pulled over to the side of the road and began to sob uncontrollably.  No one was there to console me during this horrific hour. In a flash, I called my mother.  She asked me to come to her but I couldn’t – I had to get to him.  I had to be there with him.  I needed to find out where he was.  I wiped my eyes and headed toward Belleville, MI to find my one and only son.  I had the news but something wouldn’t let me rest.  The horror of calling his dad filled me and I didn’t even bother to call until I saw him for myself.

As I broke every traffic violation between Detroit and Belleville, I thought about the funeral arrangements for about 10 minutes.  Then I said “No!”  A simple prayer was all I could focus on for the rest of the ride ‘Lord please give him back to me, please don’t take him away.’  As I got closer to the exit, I realized I was going the wrong way, I needed to find out where the hospital was that held his body.  A gas station at the exit ramp became a figurative fork in the road of this entire story.

I jumped out of my car and began to ask everyone where the hospital was and shared the tragic ordeal and begged people to help me.  When I tell you not one person had the answers I needed and shared no additional information.  I screamed and cried louder and harder at every person that offered me no assistance in my time of need.  Then someone in the crowd called the police on or for me.  As he approached me, I was ready to give him the complete business if he didn’t display a spoonful of decency.

He was the sign that people always say they’re looking for from God – sent here to give me a message.  He begged me to calm down, sit down and breathe.  After several minutes of resistance, I followed his directives without sitting down.  It was in this moment that he probably became the best part of this day.  A 13-year-old boy from the apartment pulled him from the bottom of the pool. (His name is Matthew.) He informed me The Kid was at University of Michigan hospital.  The 1st officer on the scene had administered CPR 3x and he was NOT reviving.  The officer went beyond the instructions and tried one more time and The Kid began to choke.  My knees gave up on me and I buckled right there in the gas station.  He informed me that the pulse was faint but he was en route to the hospital.  Thank you, God!

I got in my car as a passenger by legal intervention and allow my ex to drive me there to the hospital.  While in the car I called my mother again, she said she was praying for him but she heard the EMS’s siren and knew they were preserving life in the vehicle.  She informed me she would be there shortly.  I was calming down at a rapid pace.  His dad was called and he informed me he would be there.  I just needed to see my boy.

When I arrived at the hospital the attendant began telling me to calm down and explained even more to me.  She said “he began modeling (1st stage of rigor mortise) and was unresponsive again in the EMS.”  At this point, I didn’t care what she had to say. In a VERY authoritative tone, I told her – take me to him now.  She informed me she was trying to prepare me for what I was about to see.  We began walking toward the room and I told her ‘he just learned how to ride his bike, was only six and was so excited to visit with friends this weekend.’  As I walked in that room, my knees failed me again.


There was a machine assisting him to breathe, tubes were injected in him everywhere and he had a shiny glaze over his entire body.  This wasn’t my boy.  They hadn’t determined if he was out of the water (no pun intended) and I went to him and whispered in his ear “I’m here… Stay here with me.”  I walked out the room and into the waiting area.  The Kid’s family started filing in to see him and check on me.  I wasn’t in the mood for conversation, hugs or explanations. I needed to know this would be alright despite how it looked.  As the early morning hours of the 23rd fell upon us and family members began to go home, I saw the opportunity I was looking for and I took it.  I just wanted it to be him and me.

I apologized for not being there and for his current state. I told him I needed to go home but I would be back before he woke up.  Getting comfortable in the chairs was almost next to impossible.  I guess the chairs were operating as designed. (Just a little work jargon to make me chuckle.) Something inside of me knew that everything would be alright. Around 3 in the morning, I tiptoed out of the hospital, cruised home to shower and get more comfortable.

The next morning he was awake and that evening they took the machines off him.  When he saw me he screamed my name in excitement.  The next words were etched in my heart and brain for eternity:  Him: Mom, we’re about to go swimming. Me: You already went.  Him: No, we didn’t.  I began to cry.  He’s brain damaged was all I could think.  It was later explained to me this could be blocked by the traumatic experience and all of the medication his little 6-year-old body was exposed to in the last 24 hours.  I accepted this way of thinking.  They moved him to another room for observation.  Sunday afternoon, we went home.


Outside of some slurred/incoherent speech and reduced cognitive impairment due only to the meds – he was perfect.  So, if you ever wonder – why I go to the mat about him it’s because I know he’s been given a second chance.  I refuse to sit by and watch him throw it away. So when I hear people say miracles aren’t real – I look or think of my son and tell them “every day is a miracle.”  Never stop believing in the impossible.

My goals in life include staying healthy body, mind and spirit.  I attempt to make it to the gym 3x a week.  My current eating patterns can be better.  Lord knows I try to keep my spirit filled with faith and positivity.  However, with everything I do my health ended up on the countdown again his year.

The year started off strong.  The distance of the gym from my home kept causing me grief due to the drive and traffic.  I was eating properly and appeared to be maintaining my new 132 pound body well.  It felt good to be at my heaviest weight in my life but not too different from what I’m accustomed.  My mother even had the nerve to say I was “getting wide.” Say WHAT?  I was feeling great and I’m sure it was okay with the Mista because he notices everything but never said a word. 35

After the issues discussed in the previous post started, I completely turned in to myself and really didn’t give any notice to my health.  From the outside I was fine.  However, I knew the real deal.  Over the course of 3 months I lost 9 lbs.  It was gradual and I was noticing the difference by how my clothes fit me.  I began to hide in dresses and skirts.  The stress had become too much and I wasn’t eating, sleeping or exercising as I had only a short while ago.  This is the side effect of stress for me.  I knew what I needed to do.

I’d like to believe I’m as healthy as a horse.  No smoking, illegal drugs, sleep and proper nutrition have strengthened this idea in my mind.  Then I reached out to my doctor for a visit to see if something else was going on internally.  Of course, this was my thought before I owned up to the stress I was suppressing.  I informed you that I was diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency.  My concern about my weight wasn’t ignored but they tried to talk me out of wanting my additional pounds back because I was at a healthy weight of 125.  I had gained a few lbs back but it wasn’t enough for me.  They tried a new formula for my appetite pill but it didn’t work because I was still skipping out on meals.  Something had to change.  A prescription for something to take orally was given but it just made me sick to the stomach and I stopped taking it.  This was something I would have to manage on my own.

In December, I experienced a strange occurrence for the third time in my life within one month – a TIA.  I didn’t know what it was but at the advice of co-workers, I went to the emergency room to get more info.  They kept telling me I was too young for this to happen to me and kept asking me if I was stressing.  My lips repeated no but my mind’s wheels were spinning to find out the root of my condition.  After several exams, I was discharged and given orders to follow up with my primary care physician and the hospital neurology team.  This was a pretty big blow to my confidence and once again I went into myself in fear of disappointment.  I set my appointment and have been doing an ugly dance with my doctor’s office to be seen by the doctor.  They have no idea this will be the last time I visit their office.  I’m in search for a new PCP.

Over the last couple weeks, I have been working to rid myself of the stress and stop worrying about things that are completely out of my control.  I have not had another episode.  I know all of the areas I need to correct so I can get back into my best possible shape and health.  This includes but may not be limited to sticking with my gym schedule/changing gyms, doing meal prep to secure I eat as needed and begin to communicate my feeling more frequently than holding it inside.  I will come back to you after my appointments to give you an update on my status.

Meanwhile, I feel great.

 

 

 

It’s hard to think about a career move with a high school sophomore.  We’re looking into universities, scholarships and concentrating on the current curriculum.  So, where would I have the time to think about what I want?  Now!  It’s the perfect time for me to consider my options for the future. One of my biggest desires is to go back to school and get a graduate degree.  I’ll be an empty nester in no time.  Hell, I’m practically one now.

Going back to school has been on my to-do list for some time.  Of course you all know that so much has went on in my life over the last few years.  However, that should not be an excuse.  I have put this off for far too long.  It keeps wearing at my mind.  I need to make an appointment to get my my facts straight and wrap my mind around going the educational distance for me.  With so many programs to choose from, I decided to stay with the school of business and work on a MBA.  I don’t have any lavish plans for my career afterward.  I’ve just always wanted a Master’s degree.

As I set my vision board up all of the things I’ve dreamed about and long for are present.  The one image that drives me up the wall and seems urgent is that post-graduate degree.  Everyone keeps asking me “why?”  My response is always the same – “because I should have it by now!”

As I accomplish items on my board, I’ll be sure to share with you.  What dream have you foregone and want to conquer in the near future?

Press play 1st….

If you could see my face some days in person, you would have known. I’m what some might call glowing, blushing all the time and even more tolerable! (Major side eye because that last comment came from my sister, Shawn) I don’t feel any different until I’m in his presence. This can be on the phone, via text or in person. He has a way of making me feel like I’m 17 again and I like it! To be totally honest with you. I didn’t even see him coming my way. But I want you to look at this tweet I posted over 2 years ago:

stoical127.jpgI’ll just say The Lord answered my simple prayer and opened my heart to receive his blessing. After making the international announcement that I was ready for a relationship a few new candidates came my way. To be frank I really wasn’t interested. I was just going through the motions. Then I made peace with my decision and began focusing on Marti.

Do you want to hear an ironic story? I know you do! He called one day after work and said he was on his way to see me. I smiled. When he pulled up in the driveway. I was suppose to be pulling out to go on a meaningless date with some man I made plans to meet. We sat there talking and laughing into the night. I never even called the guy to tell him I wasn’t going to make it-EVER. It’s mean to me because when he arrived. I altered my previous plan without hesitation even failing to call the fella out of common decency. My mother raised me better than that! 😀 If I ever see him again, I’m prepared for whatever he may have to say. I would have been pissed if someone did that to me. However, what’s his name never crossed my mind after my heart steadied its pace after beating like the drummer in a rock band. It seems as though my heart was ahead of me in this matter. I needed to catch up or stop running from my emotions. I’ll tell you I haven’t entertained the thought of being in another man’s presence since that day. As I walked away from him that evening he asked a peculiar question, “why is your skin glowing like that?” My response was black girl smart with a touch of sincerity. I said “I’m an angel!” He looked at me. I blurted out something else on the line of me using black soap. It wasn’t until I felt safe that I spoke my truth by answering with “I’m glad to see you.”

Its been a few months. I’m learning to soften my rough exterior and allow him to experience (it seems like there is no way to say this without it being taken out of context) a more caring nurturing side of myself. I don’t want to jump to conclusions or pull the cart before the horse. I’m taking it one day at a time. Let me enjoy myself!

On our last visit I felt the words come together to give life to my feelings but I stopped them. I shy away every time I want to tell him I love you because it always seems like the wrong time. What’s that saying? “There’s no wrong time to do the right thing.

Wish me luck or pass me some courage! 😉

I know it’s been a few days since you’ve heard from me but you didn’t think I forgot about the 2013 Countdown. This year is full of cliffhangers & a whole lot of smiling. You know the drill for the next 10 days we’ll work our way to what I feel is the most significant event in my life this year. Here we go!

Coming in at a strong number 10 is an unexpected entry on the list. After years of regretting going to the show for an outing, date or even a highly anticipated blockbuster, I made it in more times this year than I have in the last decade! It all began with the need to see Lincoln before the Oscars. I truly enjoyed myself and the film. Then I was asked to go to the show again and I didn’t decline by my son. We went to this very (now) popular AMC theater with reclining seats for extra comfort. I knew I was turning the tide on an entertainment forum I had rejected for a long time.

It seemed like week after week I was in the theater to see a movie. I even experienced a rarity of being the only person in a theater to watch the movie. Can you believe it I was alone with my phone on?! After a little break from the film houses I read more books but I knew I’d be back due to some interesting previews I saw.

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This is a big step for me because I really don’t like the inconsiderate behavior of other movie goers, extra noise or the high price of concessions. Figuring my way around all of this helped me overcome my phobia.

Marti won’t be left behind in the film world anymore. Thanks to a little more maturity and acquired skill for getting ready to go to the show. Smile :)!