Told you I’d be back with a post about my hair.  I’m going to keep this post very sweet and short. I haven’t lost any hair.  My hair is growing. A strict regimen is needed. The wigs may get a revival.

So, I’ve been growing my hair out since my cut last summer.

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I can tell you it has grown since this picture. That’s solely due to my three girlfriends and flat twist.  My comfort level with my natural texture has grown immensely.  Straightening my hair almost brings me no joy beyond the initial day.  I worry about heat damage and hair reversion, lol. I think you’re familiar with all my protective styles.  I embraced the shorter wigs as well.  My next will be a long straight model.

Over the summer, I decided to allow a stylist to wash and condition my hair once a month.  This would allow me to keep up with trims and get a little relief from the dreaded wash day.  I noticed my hair wasn’t shedding as much as normal. But, I was still messing up in an area or two.  I wasn’t keeping up with my wash days. Allowing weeks go by without washing my hair or deep conditioning. Recent stress had snatched two plugs of hair from my scalp and I wasn’t happy about it.  Back to the peppermint oil, I ran and added lavender, eucalyptus, rosemary essential oils and black seed. More importantly, I still had my edges!

The hair was recovering and I noticed a few more grays around the perimeter.  Then I decided to get my hair straightened for a wedding and my anxiety was high.  My stylists I absolutely trust with my hair were booked, one was preparing for a big show and the other was styling a wedding. (You better have multiple stylists you trust and I’m not about to argue.) DAMN DAMN DAMN! So, I remembered a stylist that was close to me and specialized in natural hair care, Meah.  I set up an appointment and I put my tresses in her hands.  Praying all would be fine when I washed my hair the following week.img_4815-1

She gave me a protein treatment, which I hadn’t had in ages, and proceeded to blow dry my hair. I felt safe when she pulled out the heat protectant and the Wild Growth hair oil. Then she hit me with the one line women hate to hear from any stylist – “you need a trim.” Wtf! Everybody tells me that- fuck it do it.  I hate raggedy ends more than single-strand knots.  After she finished, she showed me the remains on the floor.  It wasn’t much and it appeared she just dusted the ends. I dared not show it on the outside but I was overjoyed.

Finally, I got caught in a light mist at the King HS homecoming game and the hair started to curl. 🙂  Then I made the choice to wash and DC like I had always done in the beginning of this journey and within minutes ALL of my curls and coils were accounted for.  Meah, definitely had my stamp of approval and considering I only wanted my hair washed/ blow dried once a month as a treat she certainly could be added to the rotation. I don’t remember how long it took me to wash my hair, condition and style it but it felt good. For the 4th time during this journey has a professional placed a pair of sheers to my mane and not chopped most of my hair off.  I twisted my hair in those flat-twists and made a vow to never miss wash day for the remainder of this journey.

#Mission2020 has begun.  “If the plan doesn’t work, change the plan to fit the goal.” My goal certainly has changed and I’m going to focus on doing my part to ensure I have the healthiest head of hair. Now when you see me in a few years with long Pippie Longstocking twists, remember I never gave up.  🙂

Have you had to re-evaluate your hair care regimen? What are your go-to methods for retaining length?

 

 

The flashy affair was over.  Finals were happening in a few days and The Kid was ready.  We attended the Senior Parent Breakfast and waited to pick up our cap & gown.  You will notice I talk about this moment as if it were mine but we worked at this. So, we celebrated this moment together.img_4143

Now, this senior breakfast wasn’t a high point for me.  Especially after I saw that buffet line.  In true fashion, that kid knew I wasn’t about that life and he got my pancakes. Not wanting to be a brat I stood in line for the other portion. During the running around, we took this picture. Yup – he got me by a few inches! God answered my prayers. 😉  This was the final whoo rah for the seniors.  The final grades were being calculated and the verdict would be announced the coming Friday.  These 10 days were taking the longest time to get to us.  This was the only moment we were really waiting on.  I told you about part of our struggles to get here.  See, his dad graduated out of summer school and he didn’t want to repeat that experience. We worked our asses off, he more than me but I kept a light fire under it to keep him on his toes.  Then June 9th happened and he handed me this when we met up with each other. img_4187.jpg

For the 3rd time during this journey, I shed a few tears.  He reached over and hugged me exclaiming “I told you I’d get it done.”  This cap and gown made it real. I held on to that thing like it was mine because somewhere in my soul it was.  I worried, prayed, and cursed to get him right here. I’m that teenage mom that had never even baby sat a child and here I was about to watch mine walk across the stage to accept his diploma. My expectations were firm but my methods kept changing but he did it.  Yeah, it would’ve been easier if he had done it my way but this was his story. I needed to let him do it his way.

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So the morning of the graduation was here, and I posted the picture that matched my mood.  Hashtag #TheFinisher – I was beyond ready and I even packed a handkerchief. img_3986

This picture captured everything I was feeling about this meeting.  In a graduating class of 262 students, all I could see was him.  He strolled pass me as they marched in the theater of the Michigan Opera House.  This was a long ceremony and for a short moment, I was ready to rip all the programs up because I didn’t see his name. When I found it in its respective area, #CarryOn. Then they asked the graduates to stand up and I was on my muthf’n feet -which happened to be in some 5″ heels but let’s go. Then I got this message: I remember this paper being in his room on his desk and of course he forgot it. Now, I gotta run down the aisle like I’m on the Price is Right. Then I got back to my seat and cheered for all the kids that spoke when they were on the phone with him, introduced to me, called me “Ma, Auntie & Ms. Wilson.” Then I saw him make his way to the stage. #Leego The announcer said Lorez Wilson and I lost it – screaming, clapping, jitting up the aisle (my footwork was unmatched) and I did all of this while taking pictures.

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Did you notIce me mention I cried? NOPE! I had shed all the tears prior to this day.  This day was for smiles. We did it. In 1999, this event seemed to be a million years away but with each passing year, I realized how close we were.  As we made our way out to the streets of Detroit, I couldn’t wait to see him and congratulate him one more time. I found him in the swarm of black and yellow.  His smile was as bright as the day but I saw something in his eyes.  We snapped a few images in the daylight.

I asked to see the diploma and he told me they had to pick it up from the school later on. WTH DPSCD? We left headed to Joe Muer for lunch with Grandma. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you he cut his hair off prior to graduation. I was looking at a young man ready to make his mark in the world.  Little did he know he had already done a good amount of that through me.  I was different because and for him.  He is the best part of me.  Everything I never knew I needed.img_4240
While we were at lunch I learned his dad had not shown up to the graduation, after I gave up my opportunity to monopolize this event. I knew I saw something in his eyes at the theater. It was sadness.  Afterward, he went and got a tattoo (how could I say no- I have 16) and I sat down to REST.  I thank everybody that was on this journey with me. All of your help was and still is appreciated.  You never left me out here to do this by myself. The village of Marti truly came through for this kid. There are so many to name but I’m positive I’ve already told you personally. Eternally grateful to you all for everything because I know your love for him is an extension of the love you have for me.

August 1st, while I’m sitting in my chair at work listening to inspirational music this little exchange occurred and it gave this chapter closure.

As we tackle this next mission, I’m positive he’ll be just fine but I’ll be right there to throw an assist if needed.

 

 

Scared. Unsure. And insecure ideas crossed my mind on a daily basis.  Needless to say, I didn’t feel like myself.  The woman I knew only a few years ago was gone.  Only coming out in sporadic intervals within a week.  How was I going to get back to me? Where had Marti gone and why had she abandoned me? Along with everything else going on – this had become a necessary emergency.

There were days when I would be on top of the world. Life was good on the outside.  But something on the inside wasn’t quite right.  I was experiencing drastic mood swings, my patience was none existent, tears appeared from some foreign origin and I was basically staying in the house.  This certainly wasn’t in my character.  I was attempting to talk through this with friends. But when you’re a strong person, I’m sure you can understand how difficult this can be especially when everyone is counting on you to be their ray of sunshine, silver lining, and positivity.  So, that release that I was looking for I wasn’t getting.  I tried some of my regular coping methods and those only proved to help for a moment.  I tried ‘going into myself’ (this normally helps me recharge and recalibrate), writing my thoughts down and focusing on the big events of The Kid’s senior year of high school. But you probably guessed it – none of those worked either.  I had to get out of this funk. Strength

After some serious deliberation, I decided to contact a therapist for help.  My health was the main reason I sought out professional help considering the events of 2016.  Now, I’m sure you know/heard/read about the stigma of seeking mental health services in the Black community. “We don’t need professional help, that’s for white people, it’s a waste of money or pray about it.” These are some of the reasons they give for not getting help. Well, this was my response – I’m part caucasian with a little extra cash whose prayed about this and seeking professional help.  I was tired of feeling this way and I had to do something about it and Castlight was there to assist me.

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You can imagine the way I rejoiced during this scene from Insecure.

After finding the perfect fit for me (and that was determined by the tone of her voice when I spoke with her over the phone), I made an appointment.  Was I scared? Simple answer – Yes. As I walked into her office I noticed, there was no stereotypical chaise to help me relax and bare my soul, a few pieces of art to catch the eye and 2 red leather chairs positioned across from each other. Taking a seat was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.  In the first session, we identified several areas within my being that I had never acknowledged or even knew about. At the end of the session, she gave a “prescription.”  This wasn’t medicine in the literal sense.  These were the things I needed to do before I saw her again to get my ideas and thoughts lined up to assist with my healing/treatment.  Before I walked out the door we scheduled my next appointment.

With every passing interaction, I could feel myself getting better.  It was beyond psychological.  I was rediscovering myself all over again.  They say “7 is the number of completion” and the last time I went looking for me was exactly 7 years ago.  I was in mourning.  A bereavement period for the younger Marti. The stoic, idgaf, social introvert, let’s have a good time, solo travel, football mom Marti.  Changes were happening all around me and I had to accept my place in all of it.  My kid was an adult to a point and I was anxious about his next steps.  There was a lot of movement going on at work.  I felt stuck due to aging parents.  I’m technically being given a 2nd wind.  My relationships weren’t the same. I needed to find and do the things a more mature Marti wanted to do.  And due to me not wanting to hurt any feelings, be viewed as selfish or revert back to the person I was 7 years ago, I was mentally fighting everything.  My worth was being re-evaluated.  New Marti needed me to love her as much as I loved the one from days gone.

I started to slow down and process/unpack things more carefully.  What I didn’t realize was I wasn’t letting go of everything.  Some traits, behaviors, and ideas would remain while others faded and that’s okay.  I was still in here I just had to embrace the new me in all its entirety. Honestly, I have noticed a change in myself since the therapy began. I’m not afraid of my thoughts and sharing them (even if that means I need to finesse the delivery.)

I went back and forth about posting this but I said: “wth this is my life.” Maybe my journey will help someone seek out the help they feel they need. Within this post, you will find a few links with additional information. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out.

I left you all with a helluva cliffhanger. You knew The Kid turned 18, is a senior in high school and scheduled for graduation.  It’s about time I bring you up to speed.  The picture from He’s 18, is from his senior pinning ceremony. Our next event was prom and after some teenage drama, we arrived in style for the big dance.

First of all, he did the whole prom-posal thing and the young lady accepted only to decline his invitation weeks before the event.  Never to be outsmarted, he decided to go by himself.  Then one day he calls me at work and says ‘he has a date’ – WHAT!? Within minutes, I see a face I remember and the dress she’s chosen to wear.  We were officially on a mission to find him the perfect complimentary suit.  He’s a classy kind of guy with his mother’s sense of style. 😉

We spent days looking for the perfect floral jacket, bowtie, and pants.  Then it all happened at once. Dinner jacket – found and the other parts just came to us, all at reasonable prices and Auntie submitted her order for it all.  We’re not rich people and refused to go broke for one event. Then there was the rental car situation and Grandma came to the rescue in that area.  Then the barber, Arf, gave him a cutting edge haircut to go with the look for the evening.  His date asked me to bring some chicken to the send-off. (You know that’s what the young kids have nowadays. Everyone comes over to one location to see the couple off to Prom.  There’s food, balloons, red carpets, backdrops, and lots of pictures.) After I picked up the chicken, I was on my way to see my kid which was ahead of me by 45 mins.27_3

I showed up and to my surprise, my sister was in town to see her #1 guy go to the prom. My family gathered at the young lady’s home. She looked adorable and the jacket was a perfect match.  As they rolled away in the Escalade, I told them to have a nice time and her parents stated her curfew. What they didn’t know at the time was their daughter probably had the safest date in SE Michigan. But I had to see things through their eyes, he was the driver and responsible for her safe return afterward.  Here’s a picture of the two of them prior to leaving for the Roostertail.Prom                      They both returned home at a respectable hour both reporting they had a good time.  For a good portion of his life, I thought of this day and what it would feel like for me. I can truthfully say I felt proud. He was a door holding, well mannered young guy that a daughter’s parents didn’t have to worry about when they were out of sight.

The Prom was over, the jacket was the most asked about attendee and The Kid was on his way to Cedar Point (some traditions never change – they were doing the same thing when I graduated 19 years ago.)

It was a night to remember and I moment I will never forget.  🙂

After I decided to stop looking for a home, another item on my 2017 vision board. Getting a new car.  This has been on my to-do list for over a year.  I weighed my options and decided to treat myself.  My research started with the Technical Assistance Team here at the job.  Take a look at what I decided to lease.

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It was between this Cadillac CTS and a Buick LaCrosse. I wasn’t given any bad information about either model.  The test drive made me change my mind.  I just enjoyed all the little bells and whistles that came standard on the CTS.  I called Prestige Cadillac in Warren as recommended by a co-worker and I worked with Clarice Russell.  She was very accommodating and patient with me as I had several missed appointment due to senior year conflicts and documentation errors.  I walked in and signed a small portion of my life away for a little peace of mind all under 90 minutes.

At the beginning of the year, I created my vision board and thought I added both vehicles.  So you could probably imagine the irony and surprise I experienced when I went to check it off and only found the CTS.  I guess I spoke it into existence. (sidebar: never forget to speak your truest dreams into existence and words have power.)


Now, as many of you know – I name all my vehicles. All the names are male. (I wonder if there is any psychological meaning behind that, hmmm).  There was Sterling the Lincoln LS, Cole the Dodge Magnum and here for the next 34 months is Lance.  In the beginning, I know God created the heaven and earth but I was moreso talking about the start of this relationship. I called this car Stanley and this was encouraged by the Jazmine Sullivan tune.  Then I remembered that’s my good friend AJ’s husband’s name and I went right back to the drawing board. All of you know, I talk about my car’s like we’re in a real relationship – ‘Cole and I went to the mall, I got Cole some shoes, and Sterling don’t have time for the foolishness.’ So, I definitely didn’t want any awkward moments in the near future and I changed it to LANCE.

Needless to say, I’m in love. The infotainment system is a much-needed addition.  This is solely because I really don’t like to hear all that commentary/conversation. Radio equals music for ME.  I appreciate the forward crash and lane sensors, the rear camera, and the speed monitor.  The only thing that bugs the crap outta me (yes! I said outta) – is the red light above the steering wheel that flashes when someone jumps out in front of me – I SEE THEM.  Everything else is perfection and I’m not only saying this because this company puts food on my table.

I heart this car.

 

 

 

 

The day has arrived! My one and only kid turns 18 – today.  You all met him when he was just a pup.  Now, he’s maturing into a man. It hit me like a sack of rocks this morning. This guy can buy cigarettes.  Maybe I’ll hold on until he can buy me drank!  🙂

Happy Burfday, Rez!! 

My Little Chocolate Joy

You’ve made me who I am today!

There was a time every time I apply for credit – I walked away with what I wanted.  Over the past 2 years, it’s taking some pretty big hits.  I had fallen into the hole I worked so hard to stay away from, Bad Credit Abyss.  How long could I keep ignoring these things? Seven years if I wanted to be technical but I wanted to do things, NOW, and that required me taking the necessary actions to correct these wounds – By Any Means Necessary.

The year started off right with me acknowledging the need to make on-time payments and reduce late fees.  I had been following The Budgetnista on Instagram for some time.  The thing that pulled me into her was the things she was sharing with us were not unfamiliar to me.  I had just stopped doing them and needed to hear some of the truths I had been ignoring.  She offered a free 21-Day challenge on her Facebook site.  This allowed me to take mental and physical steps toward financial freedom.  I was on the path with the daily challenges.  Then a little extra dose of life happened and it seemed like my life just couldn’t get back on track.  I tried to get pre-approved for a mortgage and was denied.  Had my score been damaged that much.  Apparently, yes.

Credit Karma and the rejection letter from Quicken Loans informed me that my current score was 576. Disgusting! I had to start getting things fixed.  The amount of outstanding consumer debt I had was even more disgusting.


Who has this minimal type of debt holding them back? This was unreal! While clearing my voicemail, I received a message from FHA to discuss why I had been turned down for a mortgage. Of course, I didn’t get that nice lady on the machine and I had reached Lexington Law Firm. They told me what they were offering and I told them my main goal. I listened to how they could help me and signed up.  The very 1st I was a member my score went down 30-40 points. As I looked at the results of my actions, I thought, this certainly isn’t what I had expected. I was having remorse.

Within the 1st month, I had been qualified for a credit card and began to feel more comfortable about the service. They had removed some things from the reports and were very good about keeping me informed with regard to what they were doing. I know that I’m fully capable of repairing my credit on my own – I chose to pay someone else to do it for me. The process is slow and there is no obligation to stay with the program if you don’t feel it’s right. 

I’ve been in the program for 3 months. At the same time, I have placed my student loans in rehab and making on-time payments. My score has yoyoed bringing me anxiety and joy.  Credit Karma updates their scores every Saturday. One week the scores didn’t move but I had an awesome note attached to my profile.

Outside of my student loans, there was nothing that could hold me back. Now, my score hasn’t rocketed into the 700 range or even 600. It’s still hovering around 550 but I’m remaining positive.  My goal is to tiptoe into the 700 club by the end of 2017. Right now, I’m just happy I took the steps to take control of my financial reputation back.

High school football is generally where a gang of us realized this is a sport we love. I’ll admit, due to family circumstances, I wasn’t afforded that high school experience but I lived it with my kid. After an unexpected season, we ended up right back at Ford Field to defend our crown. As a senior, this was his last hoorah and boy did they make good.  Here’s my version of the final season as a Crusader.

I hate spring training just as much as the players.  They’ve only been off the field a couple months then it’s back to the drawing board to get ready for a new season.  This creates all types of conflicts with spring and summer vacation but you’re in it with the players because you know this is something they love to do. This summer’s heat was brutal.  I remember asking my son every day “ain’t it too hot for y’all to be out there?” (Don’t judge me these were my exact words, lol) He would look at me and say “Ma, it’s not always going to be comfortable when we play the games.” Point taken. On this particular day, I received a notification that a 911 call had been initiated from our plan. I call my son no response, I believe he was on the phone with my sister because she told me – he was okay.  So, I wait.  He walks through the door and asks “is that a hospital across the street?” No, why? “Coach Harvey passed out during the practice.  They took him to Receiving Hospital.” He comes out maybe 15 minutes later to tell me the coach has passed.  Heartbreak in the community, King High School Family and across the state.  After some swift changes, the 2016-17 season would be played in honor of DH.


The season started on point. We were halfway through the season and only 6 points were scored on us.  The defending champs were not having it this season.  They wanted to hold on to their streak and their titles.  The streak and their city championship title were lost to Cass Tech. Proven to be the manifestation of their Crusader name, they marched on to the state championship game against Walled Lake Western. I watched with a bittersweet taste in my mouth. This was my kid’s 6th time playing on the field with a 60% success rate.  The odds were in our favor but the game of football is not a gambling man. As always, I screamed and hollered as they marched up and down the field.  There was no Sports Center Hail Mary last second highlight this year.  No, the defense was on point and the team played with a lot of heart for their fallen coach. By the end of the contest, King had managed to play another shutout game a maintain their title of Division 2 State Champions.

 


This was the end for #19/#80.  The 2 seasons he decided to play high school football he won the ship. He kept telling people he wasn’t going to play in college but I know my son. It’s never been a crazy thing for him to change his mind. In the cold of December, I took my lunch watching King & Cass (who also won their Division 1 championship) parade down Woodwartherethe Spirit of Detroit.  The week wasn’t over their was a luncheon in the 2 teams honored by UAW-Ford with special guests Jim Harbaugh and Mark Dantonio. I knew the apple didn’t fall far from the tree when I saw my kid’s face on the channel 7 news. These faces are magnetic for a camera.

When the new ring comes I’ll be sure to share it. Do I think it’s over, no?  The 1st couple days he was lost without the schedule of evening practices.  We’ll see what transpires as we draw nearer to the end of his high school career and start of university life.  The jury is still out with the verdict regarding college football. As Drake said, “WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.”

We all have a bucket list and even if you don’t there are a few things you’ve identified that you have to do.  I’m just like you.  Over the past few days, I acknowledged the things I want to do as soon as he is he goes away to school.  It may be safe to say these are the things I want to do after he turns 18.  It may not be impressive to you but I wanted to share and document it for myself.  Lord knows I don’t need another list running around me.  🙂

1. Watch the sun rise (DAILY).

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In the summer of 2014, I moved right on the Detroit River.  Two years have passed and everybody has been trying to figure out why I’m not in my backyard more often.  I don’t even have the answer to that.  Sometimes when I’m on my way to work, I look at the sunrise in my rearview mirror and I’m amazed.  The sight fills my spirit with optimism.  In the future, I’d like to take the time, have a cup of tea and take it all in every day.

 

2. Discover USA via Amtrak

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Train travel is exciting to me.  It’s not as quick as planes, involved as a car or luxurious as a cruise ship.  It’s practical.  This mode of transportation takes you to a time when this was the fastest method known to man.  There’s a great percentage of this vast land that I haven’t seen.  I didn’t realize Amtrak serviced so many destinations on my list of places to see.  The fares are relatively cheap.  A round trip from Detroit to St. Louis was $162.00. Chicago is the central hub of all the activity.  So, the plan is to travel to Chicago every other month and journey into one of these foreign places to experience them.  I might not make it to the West coast via train but the other locations look rather exciting.

3. Travel to Europe

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My passport expires Feb 2018 and I still haven’t made it across the Atlantic Ocean.  This will come to an end next year.  I’m gifting myself a European vacation for my 18 years of parenthood.  You can call this a Pull Gift – you know the reverse of the Push Gift.  🙂  (The one I wear almost every day.)  I haven’t narrowed down the exact location but the contenders are:

You’ll be the 2nd to know where I’ve decided to go.  😉

4. Purchase a home in Detroit

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I’ve been renting for a couple of years now.  Let me tell you – I don’t like it at all.  The amount of money I’ve paid out in the last 2 years was enough to purchase a small bungalow in Detroit.  The jig is up next year.  This year I have been focused on resolving some concerns on my credit report and rehabilitating my credit score.  My hopes are to raise it enough that I will not need a special program to purchase.  The downtown Detroit market is booming.  This area is first on my list due to my 7-10 work commute.  Right now, I am unsure if I want a house or condo.  I’ll know what’s best for me when I get there.  This probably should’ve been number one but who’s judging me.  lol

My Area

5. Start an aquarium

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This originally said get a dog or start an aquarium.  Then I did a “what type of dog is best for you” quiz.  Let’s just say the results didn’t appeal to me.  So, the fish won.  I know owning a saltwater tank is hard work but I have a secret method.  My dad!  He’s the guru on aquatic life and starting aquariums.  The freedom of fish is very calming to me.  I would get a bird but I’m terrified of them.  The dog would have made a great companion but considering my work schedule and travel plans that might not be the best idea.  I’ll swim with the fish and allow my dad to teach me how to maintain it.

6. Start dream car project

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It’s hard to be from Michigan and not have muscle car dreams.  This is the ‘Motor City.’ Home of the Woodward Dream Cruise.  On my vision board you will see several old model vehicles and I plan to start that collection soon.  The 1st vehicle I have selected is the classic 1970 Chevy Chevelle SS.  I don’t want to trick it out.  My vision is to restore it to its showroom beauty.  I have found a forum to purchase from and gather parts.  In addition, I plan to do part of the work.  I bet you can guess what the exterior color will be.  #itsMyFav This will become my Friday/Saturday car.

7. Learn to play piano

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I’ve always wanted to purchase a piano.  Where’s the joy in owning a piano if you can’t play.  Over the next several years I will make this dream a reality.  I think you all know how important music is to me. Yes, I may not become Roberta Flack but I will enjoy the learning opportunity.

There may be more things I want to do with this newfound freedom.  This is just a quick list off the top of my head that I wanted to share with you.  Just a few things to encourage my happiness.  🙂

 

“He’s dead!”  The only words I truly remember hearing on July 22, 2005.  This short narrative on what has been coined “Flashback Friday” will show you that miracles are still happening.  If I start rambling, please forgive me and understand that even 11 years later – I still get choked up.

We were planning a nice evening for ourselves after walking in the suburb of Grosse Pointe eating ice cream enjoying the afternoon.  You see, his mother had come and taken my kid to stay with her for the weekend. I was only a little uncomfortable but felt I could show them I trusted her with The Kid.  As we parted ways to get dressed for the evening activities, I received the call no mother wants.  I heard him trying to say the words my mind wouldn’t allow me to hear through tears and a muffled tone.  His exact words were, “They say he’s dead.”  In my disbelief, I responded, ‘who?’  The answer was my son.

I was driving and pulled over to the side of the road and began to sob uncontrollably.  No one was there to console me during this horrific hour. In a flash, I called my mother.  She asked me to come to her but I couldn’t – I had to get to him.  I had to be there with him.  I needed to find out where he was.  I wiped my eyes and headed toward Belleville, MI to find my one and only son.  I had the news but something wouldn’t let me rest.  The horror of calling his dad filled me and I didn’t even bother to call until I saw him for myself.

As I broke every traffic violation between Detroit and Belleville, I thought about the funeral arrangements for about 10 minutes.  Then I said “No!”  A simple prayer was all I could focus on for the rest of the ride ‘Lord please give him back to me, please don’t take him away.’  As I got closer to the exit, I realized I was going the wrong way, I needed to find out where the hospital was that held his body.  A gas station at the exit ramp became a figurative fork in the road of this entire story.

I jumped out of my car and began to ask everyone where the hospital was and shared the tragic ordeal and begged people to help me.  When I tell you not one person had the answers I needed and shared no additional information.  I screamed and cried louder and harder at every person that offered me no assistance in my time of need.  Then someone in the crowd called the police on or for me.  As he approached me, I was ready to give him the complete business if he didn’t display a spoonful of decency.

He was the sign that people always say they’re looking for from God – sent here to give me a message.  He begged me to calm down, sit down and breathe.  After several minutes of resistance, I followed his directives without sitting down.  It was in this moment that he probably became the best part of this day.  A 13-year-old boy from the apartment pulled him from the bottom of the pool. (His name is Matthew.) He informed me The Kid was at University of Michigan hospital.  The 1st officer on the scene had administered CPR 3x and he was NOT reviving.  The officer went beyond the instructions and tried one more time and The Kid began to choke.  My knees gave up on me and I buckled right there in the gas station.  He informed me that the pulse was faint but he was en route to the hospital.  Thank you, God!

I got in my car as a passenger by legal intervention and allow my ex to drive me there to the hospital.  While in the car I called my mother again, she said she was praying for him but she heard the EMS’s siren and knew they were preserving life in the vehicle.  She informed me she would be there shortly.  I was calming down at a rapid pace.  His dad was called and he informed me he would be there.  I just needed to see my boy.

When I arrived at the hospital the attendant began telling me to calm down and explained even more to me.  She said “he began modeling (1st stage of rigor mortise) and was unresponsive again in the EMS.”  At this point, I didn’t care what she had to say. In a VERY authoritative tone, I told her – take me to him now.  She informed me she was trying to prepare me for what I was about to see.  We began walking toward the room and I told her ‘he just learned how to ride his bike, was only six and was so excited to visit with friends this weekend.’  As I walked in that room, my knees failed me again.


There was a machine assisting him to breathe, tubes were injected in him everywhere and he had a shiny glaze over his entire body.  This wasn’t my boy.  They hadn’t determined if he was out of the water (no pun intended) and I went to him and whispered in his ear “I’m here… Stay here with me.”  I walked out the room and into the waiting area.  The Kid’s family started filing in to see him and check on me.  I wasn’t in the mood for conversation, hugs or explanations. I needed to know this would be alright despite how it looked.  As the early morning hours of the 23rd fell upon us and family members began to go home, I saw the opportunity I was looking for and I took it.  I just wanted it to be him and me.

I apologized for not being there and for his current state. I told him I needed to go home but I would be back before he woke up.  Getting comfortable in the chairs was almost next to impossible.  I guess the chairs were operating as designed. (Just a little work jargon to make me chuckle.) Something inside of me knew that everything would be alright. Around 3 in the morning, I tiptoed out of the hospital, cruised home to shower and get more comfortable.

The next morning he was awake and that evening they took the machines off him.  When he saw me he screamed my name in excitement.  The next words were etched in my heart and brain for eternity:  Him: Mom, we’re about to go swimming. Me: You already went.  Him: No, we didn’t.  I began to cry.  He’s brain damaged was all I could think.  It was later explained to me this could be blocked by the traumatic experience and all of the medication his little 6-year-old body was exposed to in the last 24 hours.  I accepted this way of thinking.  They moved him to another room for observation.  Sunday afternoon, we went home.


Outside of some slurred/incoherent speech and reduced cognitive impairment due only to the meds – he was perfect.  So, if you ever wonder – why I go to the mat about him it’s because I know he’s been given a second chance.  I refuse to sit by and watch him throw it away. So when I hear people say miracles aren’t real – I look or think of my son and tell them “every day is a miracle.”  Never stop believing in the impossible.