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If you could see my face some days in person, you would have known. I’m what some might call glowing, blushing all the time and even more tolerable! (Major side eye because that last comment came from my sister, Shawn) I don’t feel any different until I’m in his presence. This can be on the phone, via text or in person. He has a way of making me feel like I’m 17 again and I like it! To be totally honest with you. I didn’t even see him coming my way. But I want you to look at this tweet I posted over 2 years ago:
I’ll just say The Lord answered my simple prayer and opened my heart to receive his blessing. After making the international announcement that I was ready for a relationship a few new candidates came my way. To be frank I really wasn’t interested. I was just going through the motions. Then I made peace with my decision and began focusing on Marti.
Do you want to hear an ironic story? I know you do! He called one day after work and said he was on his way to see me. I smiled. When he pulled up in the driveway. I was suppose to be pulling out to go on a meaningless date with some man I made plans to meet. We sat there talking and laughing into the night. I never even called the guy to tell him I wasn’t going to make it-EVER. It’s mean to me because when he arrived. I altered my previous plan without hesitation even failing to call the fella out of common decency. My mother raised me better than that! 😀 If I ever see him again, I’m prepared for whatever he may have to say. I would have been pissed if someone did that to me. However, what’s his name never crossed my mind after my heart steadied its pace after beating like the drummer in a rock band. It seems as though my heart was ahead of me in this matter. I needed to catch up or stop running from my emotions. I’ll tell you I haven’t entertained the thought of being in another man’s presence since that day. As I walked away from him that evening he asked a peculiar question, “why is your skin glowing like that?” My response was black girl smart with a touch of sincerity. I said “I’m an angel!” He looked at me. I blurted out something else on the line of me using black soap. It wasn’t until I felt safe that I spoke my truth by answering with “I’m glad to see you.”
Its been a few months. I’m learning to soften my rough exterior and allow him to experience (it seems like there is no way to say this without it being taken out of context) a more caring nurturing side of myself. I don’t want to jump to conclusions or pull the cart before the horse. I’m taking it one day at a time. Let me enjoy myself!
On our last visit I felt the words come together to give life to my feelings but I stopped them. I shy away every time I want to tell him I love you because it always seems like the wrong time. What’s that saying? “There’s no wrong time to do the right thing.”
Wish me luck or pass me some courage! 😉